Allison 

Part 2

Allison described her life as ”alone, but with people”. She said she was required to be accountable for her time and did not have access to any of the home’s finances. She displays her anger in a proper and kind way with a bit of matter of factness thrown in. That is the best way I can describe her. She says things like “I couldn't keep a journal because he had found it once and there was a “fight.” She raises her hands to make the quote sign and “I had to ask for money every day for gas, just to get the kids to school.” or “He would break my phone in an attempt to intimidate me, then realizing the next day that people would know what he had done, buy me a newer one and apologize.”  She says these things as if it were normal.

I listened to her tell me about her husband calling her unrepeatable names, telling their children, two boys, that they should never get married. That they should just have their fun with girls. He had berated and undermined her.

She said that in the past she had begun to rely on her family members to provide money for her car insurance, Dr. appointments, gas, and phone bills, name it and they have paid it. This had become embarrassing for her. She was obviously a proud woman. I asked her how such an outgoing and usually happy woman got herself into such a situation. She said that it had occurred

“…slowly over time. This would happen and I let it go. Then he would take the next and the next step until you’re so far lost that he wouldn't even have to do anything anymore. You’re just broken and your spirit is broken. You second guess everything that you do, you just give up. It’s OK that you have to call your mom to pick up the kids because you have no gas in your car, its OK to ask your family for money to go to the dr’s., to buy the kids shoes, to pay this bill or that bill. It’s O.K. to be called names, to be talked down to in front of your children. It becomes normal. It becomes your life, until you reach the point that you decide that you can’t do it anymore. I became madder at myself than I was at him. I was so angry that I had allowed this to happen to me and my children”

I see the anger in her rising up. A lot of what she had been through I will leave out because she was too embarrassed to have it shared publicly.

We take a break and make some coffee, Pumpkin Spice, popular this time of year. We talk about our children, this brings a smile to her face and she begins to relax.

Part 3, next week

If you or someone you know is being abused, please seek help.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline

http://www.thehotline.org/

1-800-799-7233

-SH