Birth Order and Adulthood -- Birth Order and Relationships

Birth Order and Adulthood

Psychologists have studied birth order and have concluded that one’s birth order can affect personality a bit. Traits that are attributed to birth order carry over into adulthood says Dr. Kevin Leman who is the author of The Birth Order Book—Why You Are The Way You Are.

Firstborn:  Some characteristics a firstborn might show are being aggressive, bossy, an achiever, critical, serious, organized, reliable, and sometimes a perfectionist (Neal). “According to CareerBuilder who did a study in 2011, adult firstborns are most likely to achieve a 6-figure salary and hold a top executive position” (Barnett). Firstborns like to be in control and become take charge leaders. Some successful firstborns are newscasters like Walter Cronkite, Peter Jennings, Dan Rather, and Ted Koppel. Another firstborn career is talk show hosting with hosts Oprah, Donahue and Arsenio Hall. I was really surprised to learn that over half of the U.S. presidents were firstborns which validates that firstborns have natural leadership qualities (Neal).

Middle Child:  Being in the middle is a unique position within the family. Middles are neither the oldest nor the youngest but could possibly be with many other siblings sandwiched in the middle.  Middles show characteristics of being a peacemaker, being misunderstood, a good listener, balanced, avoids conflict, and secretive (Neal). “Middle children may not have a special place in the family so friends and peer groups become much more important. They usually can read people very well and are natural born peacemakers who can see all sides of a situation. Middles are usually independent and inventive. They are likely to be entrepreneurs. The most famous middle child entrepreneur today is Bill Gates of Microsoft (Gross).

Last-born:  Tagged as the baby of the family and irresponsible, last-borns learn to be social, outgoing, and charming. Some famous last-borns are Billy Crystal, Goldie Hawn, Drew Carey, Steve Martin, Ellen DeGeneres and Jim Carey. Interestingly, they are all comedians and people who have very outgoing and uplifting personalities. Last-borns are also tagged as manipulative, spoiled, babies, outgoing, charming, affectionate, rebellious, impatient, carefree and helpless (Neal). “The last-born is the one who will probably still have a pet name although he/she is 29 and has a master’s degree,” says Dr. Leman.  Because last-borns are also carefree, affectionate, and independent, they make good friends and employees. 

“Some variables can affect the above descriptions. For instance, if there are several years between the first and second child, the second child will have some characteristics of a firstborn. Or, if the firstborn is a girl and the second a boy, the son will have some first-born characteristics because he is the family's first male offspring. Sibling deaths, adoptions, and blended families can also upset the traditional birth order” (Neal).

 Birth Order and Relationships

Birth order also carries over into relationships. What birth order pairing is the best? Does birth order pairing matter? Take a look at what psychologists say about birth order and relationships. Rather a take charge firstborn, peacemaking middle, or an attention getting last-born;  birth order can affect  future relationships and marriages. According to Catherine Salmon, PhD and professor of psychology at the University of  Redlands, California, and coauthor of the book, The Secret Power of Middle Children, birth order couplings can be interesting and challenging depending on the pairing. According to Dr. Salmon, here are some potential birth order pairings and how they mix, match, mesh, or clash: (Schipani)

Oldest with Oldest:  According to Dr. Salmon, this coupling would be the ultimate power couple because both want control. A two oldest combination has dominance and achievement. The two could butt heads over control though. Because both have very strong personalities, they could have a power struggle over control since both are used to getting their own way. Compromise could be a challenge for this pairing.  Bill and Hillary Clinton exemplifies the oldest with oldest relationship.

Oldest with Middle:  According to Dr. Salmon, this is a fine pairing but the middle in this relationship is in danger of not following their dreams since they tend to mold self around the older partner. A middle child can use their natural ability to compromise to keep the relationship calm but has to be careful and learn to speak up in situations. This relationship can work if the middle is careful not to get lost in the relationship.

Oldest with Youngest:  According to Dr. Salmon, this relationship is interesting because the youngest is used to being cared for and the oldest is used to being in control. Also, since the youngest seeks attention and the oldest already gets attention, they are a pretty good match. The oldest can go on an adventure with the youngest and learn to let go a bit. The youngest can learn from the oldest how to be a little more serious.

Middle with Middle:  “In studies of marital satisfaction, middle children fare best all around,” says Dr. Salmon. It’s healthy because both know the art of compromise and do it well so they keep the calm in the relationship. Since both know how to keep secrets, it can hurt communication so watch out for this. Frequent talks about everything important in the relationship can keep it on track.  Jan and Peter Brady, if they were in a relationship, would be the ultimate middle with middle couple. Also, according to William Cane who is the author of The Birth Order Book of Love, and analyzer in the birth order of 6,000 celebrities, historical figures, and modern couples, he concluded “The lucky thing about being middle-borns is having a greater romantic valence (power to combine) than any other birth orders. It’s because middle-borns can attract firstborns and lastborns as well as other middle-borns” (Cane). He is a former Boston College professor and presents a popular birth order show at colleges nationwide. 

Youngest with Middle:  Dr. Salmon indicates, middles can usually couple well within any relationship but with the youngest, there are some issues. Middles usually take on the characteristics of the relationship they are in. If they are with an oldest, they take on those characteristics and the same with the youngest, taking on those characteristics as well. So, a middle, if coupled with a youngest may start acting like the last-born. This relationship does not need two babies so middles have to be careful not to morph in this relationship. Middles also have to be careful not to be too controlling and overwhelm the youngest. This relationship is a balancing act for sure.

Youngest with Youngest:  Dr. Salmon says these two fun lovers can have a ball in this coupling due to their carefree and risk-taking natures. They have to be careful because neither wants to be in charge and someone has to take charge of things like bills, finances, and decisions about children. When to last-borns are parents, both may want to be the kid’s friends and leave the discipline to the other one. For this pairing to be successful, both have to be responsible and designate who will be responsible for what in the relationship and then take care of it.

Post by JT  --  Comments Welcomed.
Qualifier: (Birth Order characteristics are common traits but do not always apply to every child)

Works Cited

Barnett, Heather. “How your birth order affects your adult life.” She Knows Blog
          (health and wellness). 5 May. 2013. Web. 29 Oct. 2014.

Cane, William (aka Michael Christian). “Birth Order Your Key to Compatibility.”

          Birth Orders Blog. n.d. Web. 29 Oct. 2014.

Gross, Gail Ph.D., Ed.D. “The Achiever, the Peacemaker and the Life of the Party:
          How Birth Order Affects Personality.” The Huffington Post. 23 Dec. 2013.
          Web. 29 Oct. 2014.

Neal, Rome. “Personality Traits Linked to Birth Order.” CBS News. 10 Jun. 2002. Web.

          29 Oct. 2014.

Schipani, Denise. “How Does Birth Order Affect Relationships?” Womans Day. n.d.

          Web. 29 Oct. 2014.